Exposed Anguish [Part One]

here I am, face 2 face with the wall again
disconnected from the sacred circle that we all live within
pushing away the people that try to care for me
becuz the battle inside, consumes, and takes the lead
i've fought so long that it's left me weak
but with every breath left i'll continue this fight
I won't give up until the day I see the light
what doesn't kill me, makes me stronger inside
i'm telling this story becuz I have nothing to hide

©Amaynda Williams

Lately, Myspace is beginning to annoy me more than please me. I'm not a very social person and that site is high traffic for some social interaction. At first I wanted to "broaden my horizon" and meet some chill people. Now, I just don't know anymore. I realize that the people I already know, I can't trust. I mean, I've been stabbed in the back alot in my lifetime, but these past 2 years have been hell compared to any other year that I can remember. And remember I do, all the time. It seems that's ALL I do anymore. I remember people turning their backs on me when I needed them the most. I remember reaching out and asking for help, but nobody was willing to listen. Now, it's a struggle to talk to people because I don't want to let anyone in. I sheild myself. Life lacks the quality to sustain itself.

It seems i'll be using Xanga more frequently again.

"I open my mouth and the words spill out, words that are tainted with anger and disgust, disgust that comes from the hatred I have for illusions, your the illusionist that has me caught in the trap, my arms are weak from trying to escape this web of lies you have set up for everyone to gaze upon, as I try to remove the blindfold from their eyes, you appear before me and spit out more silver lines that hold me back, one day I will break free of this tangled up mess and put you in your place, I will no longer be the victim, and you will no longer be that hero in disguise, I will remove your mask and reveal the person hiding inside"-Amaynda Williams©

Kinda rushed through it, but here it is anyway. (For those who wanted more)

Im 1 step away from loosin' my patience
I can't tolerate your hypocritical ignorance
If you won't tell the truth, then shut your mouth up now
You've been playin' in my ballpark, and hit a couple fouls
3 strikes and your out, I will NOT tell you again
Once the mean streak starts, its impossible to end
Know who your fuckin' wit' before you open your trap
Make an incision in your face, and peel your scalp back
Take a scapel and carve my signiture mark into your skull
Carve up the rest of your body with my magical tragical chainsaw
Keep your head as a trophy and do away with the rest
Then live my life in peace without a blood-suckin' pest
That's not exactly what i'll do, it is just an example
Of what can happen when you let your mouth start to ramble
The vibrations in your vocal cords are buzzin' in my head
Eating up my self control and im seein' visions of red
Adrenalin is pumpin' through my veins like poison in the rain
The betrayel that spills from you has short-circuited my brain
The message center that once told me to let this matter go
Is now tellin' me to run you down for fuckin' wit' a freEkshow

            ♠ ♥  ~ Amaynda Williams © ~♥ ♠ 

I hope that clears everything up. Take care & stay wicked!

"The Heart Within"

her head hits the pillow, as she shuts her eyes, she drifts away from herself, rising up into the midnight sky, letting the wind run through her on the way, she dances with the stars as she blows kisses to the snow moon, blessed with universal love, she reaches out to the world,  with her arms extended, sends vibrations that color the sky, her journey is long from ending, but for now she returns to her body, where she awakens with a smile on her face, a tear that lyes upon her cheek, and a dream within her heart

                                       ~ Amaynda Williams © ~